I lived till(:

Saturday, October 01, 2005
I made the first move, like the old times, good old me making the first move, taking the first step, as if I was obliged to, as if I was acting in a play as a man.

I found another letter, which I wanted to pass to you a long time ago, a letter which states a whole list on why I wanted to leave

He could only reply nonchalantly, whether I hated him all that much and why I had written so many letters, so many letters which were meant for him which I should've passed to him but did not.

I grasped the sincerity which I had within me in the past for him, I carried on reading the letters and then I realised

I was very hurt. I loved you so much all the more I would hate you that much. The amount of hatred shows how much you meant to me. The first letter was written with too much hate and pain so I kept on writing till it wouldn't hurt you as much as you've hurt me.

Wordless he was with little to say, so he changed the subject. He asked me how I was, how were my studies and whether I was good.

As I thought back of the past, and how deluded I was, I've realised that I've changed not a little, but alot. My perspective of life, my perspective of pain, my perspective of studying, my perspective have all changed. I have changed, I wasn't the girl he used to see, I have grown up and have forgotten about all my high school sweethearts and drama.

I've changed alot

With so many questions filled in his head, he tries to sort his thoughts out and started to stammer as her asked me how I've changed, how his high school sweetheart has changed, how he could've cheerished her just more.

With no emotions, attached to my reply, I slowly told him how much I've changed. How I was just a furry little worm and now into a killer butterfly.

Working hard, Earning big bucks, loving independence, loving my friends, loving my girl, loving all girls and basically loving my world.

Maybe I've said that to make him regret who he had lost, maybe I've done that to make him think of me, maybe I've done that just to see how ticked off he is at himself of lossing me.

He could not believe how much I've changed. He expected me to change, he knew I was going to make it big, but he never thought of me as someone bigger than what he pictured in his mind.

Oh.. those were the last words he said.

11:53 PM

fuck blogger.com it fucking screws up on me.
Anyway, i think the hamsters got a divorce, they're no longer sleeping next to each other.
And I just composed a new song on the piano again.
I like it. :D

9:53 PM

I'm a just a sexual person, like a very very sexual person. I like think about sex all the time. I'm just really sexual. I'm just a very very sexual person. I just love sex, thats why I'm a very very sexual person.

I bet you are thinking about sex now and I bet you're cuming

Hmm... YeAhhhh, I'm just a very very sexual person. I'm Like cuming now.

Credits to Charis

It’s just a ride, it’s just a rideno need to run, no need to hide. It’ll take you round and round. Sometimes you’re up. sometimes you’re down. It’s just a ride, it’s just a ride. don’t be scared. don’t hide your eyes. It may feel so real inside. but don’t forget it’s just a ride

I love that song and I know V loves it too. :D

4:15 PM

I lived till(:

Friday, September 30, 2005
My little brown friend from outer space told me something very funny, " my brother takes pictures of his legs ". :) haha
Theres an annoying beetle in my room.

11:20 PM

Its a bit strange to me that when you cant have something you want it even more.
Why has God put this whole, I want something even more when I cant have it, into our human system?
I guess this is placed in as determination.
Example : I'm determined to beat Sharlene in the exams.
You know you cant beat her in exams cause she's bloody smart but then again a part of you want to.

School today, took a cab alone.
Then did some stuff in school.
12pm without fail, I would hear Lizard shouting for Jenny.
After that, ran to the back gate to get cake from Janice's granny.
then ran back to class.
Hid the cake at the back of the class.
Then surprised Milly at about 1.35pm.
Ate cake and brownie.
Went home.
I used a bus man, amazing huh. I hate buses!
Saw Linyi, Linyi is getting prettier and prettier everyday.
Got home at about 230pm
Slept at 4-5.30pm.

6:08 PM

I lived till(:

Thursday, September 29, 2005
Happy birthday Muriz.
I love you very much.
Even though we havent been talking for quite a while, but we will right after our exams.
I've never thought that you and i would ever become good and close friends.
You are my close friend because, I dont know.
Yeah why the hell am I your friend anyway! GROSS I HATE YOU.
I like swinging with you. :D I like dancing with you. I like you very much.

Despite my current foul mood, I'm going to blog about today.
Lets just say, I slept at 10pm and woke up at 12am and did toning till 2am.
And I woke up at 630am today.
Fetched hannah to school.
Did stuff in school.
Thanks Su and Alicia for helping me out!
After school celebrated Muriz' birthday.
Then walked to the bus stop with Su then home.

I'm pissed.

3:58 PM

I lived till(:

Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Little foot paths are left.
For you to follow
sometimes they may lead you astray
but sometimes they may lead you to a pot of gold.
Should you try your luck and take that chance?
And sell your soul to the devil?
Or remain the same forever?
Safely cluthed in your own arms.

It's not a matter on how loud you are, how wacko you are, how brave you may seem.
It's a matter on how much you cheerish your friends.
It's a matter on how edgy you are to take the risk that you may slip.

9:58 PM

I lived till(:

Monday, September 26, 2005
I've concluded that I do not work well under stress and that I get really angry when people disturb my last few minutes before my chinese composition.
Charis' joke was really funny though. :D
Frankly speaking, Charis is the nicest girl I've ever met in my life. She is open minded, lovely and just very understanding.
I'm sure I've snapped at her many times, its amazing how she is able to deal with it.
It's amazing what a wonderful friend she is.
Its amazing how lovely her voice is.
It's amazing how pretty she is.
It's amazing how creative she is.
It's amazing how open minded she is.
It's amazing how charismatic she is on stage.
It's amazing how Charisfied she is.
It's amazing how she is my friend.
I love her very much.
What a random post, filled with so much emotions.

3 more days till Muriz' birthday! :D

8:03 PM

I lived till(:

Sunday, September 25, 2005
Tomorrow is composition.
The day after tomorrow is Science practicals.
2 days from now isEnglish Oral.
7 days from now is the start of my 7 papers.

Yesterday, I spent my day doing CIP.
I was suppose to be at alljunied Mrt at 8am, except I woke up at 7am and went back to bed till 7.45am.
Binky, you're so smart.
I rushed like hell and cabbed it down.
Then went to commonwealth and to Charmaine's church.
After that headed to Bugis, ate Macs breakfast first.
Then off for CIP.
Collected quite little but the others collected.... like a few coins.
I sat down for an hour watching the kids run through through the fountain getting wet.
After the exams, I'm going to get my friends to go with me to the fountain and to run through. around it in our school uniform.
How fun.
After sitting around in my godawful big shit shirt, I went to collect somemore money.
And soon it was 3pm already!
Then went to BillaBomers ( spelling? ) with Charis.
I hate the Naked Gun, the chicken smells funky.
After that, back to the church.
We did 9hours of Cip mind you.
Today, I woke up from a very, weird dream.
Very very weird, I was batman at one point, and then I went somewhere near Johor to watch a play, and then after that I had to save some women from some crazy guy who was a bug but turned back into a guy and my dad drove off without me.
And I saw Su in the carpark with some guy in some kinda car with the hood down ( a very old beaten worn out car. ) And so I got on it and then the guy drove and then it started snowing so he the hood went on and I saw my dad's car in the midst of a major traffic jam ( it was just like the jam in the papers yesterday.
And I got out of her car and she called me a MEI MEI like what the fuck is wrong with her.
oh my god, it's so funny I'm laughing like crazy right now.

12:33 PM