I lived till(:

Saturday, December 31, 2005
happy birthday Brown.
I'm really glad I got to meet you this year .
Hopefully, you'll always stay as sweet as brownies foreverrrrrr and everrrr and everr.
You're 16 now, so please, get over the whole high school life shit and move on. MoOoOveee, CHOOCHOO TRAIN!

" Wake up! " Marivic shouted, but I did not budge.
Soon it was 1pm, and my tuitor stood beside me and shouted " Wake up already, aunty ! "
So I had to drag my ass out of bed, looking like a mad woman in pjs, only then I realised that there was tuition.
Had tuition from 1.30-4pm.
Waited for M for at least 45 minutes, in the end, she was at hougang.
Took the train down.
Had dinner at Hans, met Akira there for half an hour and he left. He was going over to his friends place.
He needed sleep so badly. ( He was awake for around 48 hours. )
And I've no idea why he has to lodge at his friends place when his house is in hougang.
I stepped into Hougang mall, and it sent chills down my spine. I hope no one saw me there.
Muriz got a few things, took the cab to M's place.
Taxi dude drove was driving to unos or something, I got very angry, as well as Muriz.
So we paid 6 dollars, and I still think that he made us pay too much.
Hung around her place till 8pm, went to Fred's bbq.
Met a few of my brothers friends.
watched loads of television since there was nothing to do, Lizard and Brown came at around 10pm.
They ditched some party, which they paid 12 dollars for entry, and left after spending a few seconds in there.
Too many bengs, no one dancing, too much techno, I guess.
Brown was not very happy today.
Anyway, we all watched television.
Lizards hair is, erm.. Quite cool I guess.
Purple? red? Looks a bit pink.
Brown went home whereas the rest of us plus my brother went back to my place.
T came over at around 1230am.
And left soon after with Lizard.
M and I hung around a little longer, and left my place at around 130, went to get some food.
Headed to the swimming pool.
Sat around, talked alot.
About relationships, we were quite frank.

You may think you're not perfect for a certain someone, and that she doesn't deserve you. But really, you deserve her and she deserves you. There is no such thing as " I'm not good enough ". But there is " I'm too different ".

And I guess it is how the human mind works, you take for granted what you had and when its gone, you want it back.

Don't say " I cannot feel ANYTHING, but sad, she made me sad ". It is up to you on how you want to feel, you can forget, and walk away and push everything aside. Or you can confide.
Its all in the choices, decisions you make.

You may think you're too ugly, too short, too fat, but really, if the person really cares, he'll look pass it all. Like how you look pass all the flaws of that special someone you've got your eye on.

You want someone even when you know she is already attached.

You cant help to find yourself once again, talking to her over the phone even though you hate talking over the phone. You have decided that you'll stop this after half an hour.
An hour pass.
And another.
And you're still there, talking to her.

You don't know the person well, so you sum up all the things you see in her and then you dream, and imagine, and add things on, and ta-da she is now, your dream girl. When she actually is just Plain Jane.

And then your feelings start to fade, realising that she is not what you pictured her to be.
That she can never be what you want her to be.
That you know, you don't want her to change herself because of you.

You realise that things can never be what you want them to be, because you don't want hear the bad reactions.

Secrets will reveal, you will know, and then I'll just hope..

3:29 AM

I lived till(:

Friday, December 30, 2005
Well yesterday was spent with Muriz, Akira and Gwen.
All 4 of us were waiting for each other.
M and I reached the station at around 5pm and Akira reached about 6pm and met Gwen at about 6odd.
Went to window shop in far east, I still do not like the place.
Then ate dinner at the turkish restraunt, good food.
Went to Heeren, M bought a bloody expansive school bag and I bought a school bag too.
Then went home with M.
Met Akira at around 230, walked to the prata stall to drink and then talked for 2 hours at the basketball court.
Now I am home.

Eh the ahbeng isn't ahbeng after all, and he reads more than me.
Very smart kid who knows so many people.
He did not speak chinese just now.
I don't know who is able to tops the story he told us today.

5:18 AM

I lived till(:

Thursday, December 29, 2005
M and Akira are probably still sleeping, so I can't possibly leave the house and try to find for them in orchard.
I have realised that every gay relationship that I've known of, have failed miserably.
Maybe that is also another reason why I don't believe in getting into a relationship.
I guess it is okay, if you don't make yourself vulnerable, if you're just in the relationship to enjoy each others company.
But then again, some people might say " Why do you even get into a relationship if you dont love him/her? "
I guess different people have different perspectives. Some people get into relationship so that they know how they're going to spend their holidays. Some for the fling and the fun. Some because they feel insecure without a partner. And some because they truely love each other.
And out of all these different types of people with different people, I realised that the ones that do end badly are the ones who truely love each other.
Making yourself vulnerable for another person, is exactly like giving a liscence to the person to hurt you.
If you love someone so much, the same amount of hurt which the partner is able to produce is probably the same amount as how much you love her/him.
The best and most loving relationships, are usually the ones which end really badly.
If you were able to get through life without having her by your side for the past - number of years, I'm sure that you're able to do so, even after having a break up.
You may think you really need her, but really, you don't.
( This is for someone who reads my blog. )

I'm not so much of an optimist now, not right now at least.
This is just what I think, you don't have to agree with it so keep your comments to yourself.

You didn't stop it while you could, because it felt too right.

2:10 PM

Last night was one of the best nights I've ever had.
Besides attending some posh fancy ass party which Renee invited me to.
Hanging out with Stacey, Akira and M have never been more fun.
And yes, I hope Stacey is going to throw a new year party, because her house is fuckingawesomely fucktastic.
And c'mon, how can anyone hate Stacey she is just so... what's that word??!... cute!
I met someone who kept saying cute yesterday, everything from our names to our crib walking was considered... cute.
You should see how the girls dance, swinging their long black lustrious hair back and forth, left to right, like mad possed girls.
Pretty they maybe, but why exaggerate on your dance moves?
And there was only one boy whom I wanted to talk to last night, but apparently didnt.
And I invited the wrong person to dance with both M and I.
I thought M thought he was cute, but she was talking about someone else, so never mind.
Anyway, I only received 3 hours of sleep.
Akira, M and I, all squeezed onto Staceys bed in the early morn, around 11am.
We went for prata before that though and watched the Longest Yard and Harry Potter 1.
Well, we woke up at around 2 and reached school at around 2.05 to meet M's mother.
Got her books, without brushing our teeth or changing.
Oh yes, and M and I kept colouring Akira's tattoos with markers. The girl on his leg has turned from ugly, to fugly.
Now she became a geisha, except with mostasche and snort.
And horrific blue eye shadow and pink cheeks.
And we wrote all over his legs.
quote " I love to eat grass "
Anyway, after school booking and all that crap, went for a movie with my mother, Narnia, My stomach was giving me hell because the last time I ate was at 6am, and it was already 6pm.
I forgot I was hungry.
Went to eat at Fish and Co, then took a train home.
Bumped into Hannah with her boyfriend ( I think )
M came over, I slept.
We were both very very grumpy because we were lacking in sleep.
She was blasting music and I screamed cause it was noisy.
Went for supper with her at around 12 in the morning and now I just got home.
Eh Brown got a new lover aye?
Okay I've got 3 messages in my handphone now, screaming " READ ME " and a bug which is flying around, screaming " SQUASH ME OR GET OUTTA THE ROOM BECAUSE MARV IS TRYING TO SLEEP HERE! "
So, toodles.
And Akira isn't the sortof guy who will chop off your arm, if you know what I mean, too harmless to do so. =D

--- edit
It's 0312 now and I just watched finished Honey.
I have no idea why I was watching television when I'm clearly suppose to be tired.
Anyway, I wanted to say that! I heard a white dyke is coming to our school next year, well lets see if that is true.
And I heard next year's batch will have loads of lesbians, I can't wait to see the look on B.b's face, it'll be, PRICELESS.
Going to go shopping later, for school shoes and bag with M and Akira.
I can't get a really good looking guy out of my head, and I'm very scared I'll fuck up my life next year.
While M and I were having supper just now, she was telling me about how this year, or this holiday have been one of the most havoc and most fun.
But I realised that as each holiday passes by, I hang out with different people each holiday.
And I get to know new people.
Apparently, this time, the people whom I got to know of, were pretty wild.
I remembered telling M ' Well, I guess as each year passes by we'll say " why this is the most havoc of all havoc or most fun ! " we used to think holding a chalet party with loads of people by the beach was extremely fantastic, and how nothing will top that. But I realised that there is always and will always be something which will top and be much better than the one you had previously. '
It feels good, having the feeling of being careless.
Not worrying over things.
I like that very much.
Anyway, it's time to sleep, and please people, do me a favour and not sms me.
I only have 300 free smses and my msg counter says " 1137 ".
Yes, that's a 4 digit number thank you very much.
Dont be an idiot ( like stupid fool hehehe ) to sms me 3 times -___- when I don't reply, because clearly, I either have nothing to say, am not near my phone thus I wont hear it ring etc, or am plain lazy.
There are many things I want to blog about, but for now, I'll just leave it as it is, because this isn't private enough.

“Ah, that’s because you’re in love with me,” he said. “And being in love with Draco Malfoy is a prison.”

12:55 AM

I lived till(:

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Hopefully the party is going to be a blast, I'm still uncertain where I'm going to lodge at tonight since E is going somewhere else.
Hopefully somewhere near my place.
I have this feeling that my Father might think I'm lesbian, is this the part when I'm suppose to laugh?
Anyway, indulged myself with more fanfiction and T's USA pictures.
I had to stop and think to myself if she is a potential photographer at one point, when I couldn't guess if that picture was of Donald Duck or Mickey Mouse.

It was probably the small little things about her, like how I always notice how smoothe her skin is.
How Beautiful her hands, feet and nails are.
How lovely her lips are shaped
How beautiful she looks everytime I catch her, while she's busy looking at something else.
How wonderful it feels enjoying each other company.
Inlove? are you kidding me, hahaha.

3:52 PM

Credit : Marta, Art Dungeon. net.
She took 1 and 1/2 days, I personally think her art is brilliant. (:

My whole afternoon was spent reading, This Time Around, another Fan Fiction which N introduced to me.
It is very good, and if I'm not wrong the author won some award for that.
T came over for a while and watched 2 movies.
Before Sunrise and Harold and Kumar.
You've got to watch Harold and Kumar, as funny as American Pie.
Dumb shows with vulgar people and a few scenes of tits.

What would you do in my situation?
Would you stay knowing that life will be a little worst? or run away?
You'll never find the perfect one, or at least I won't. Too awkward too different.

12:47 AM

I lived till(:

Monday, December 26, 2005
I already allowed him to come into my bedroom and he doesnt even respect my properties.
Even my friends respect my possesions more than him.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, there is a reason why I don't let him look at my stuff.
Firstly, he isn't open minded.
2ndly he jumps to conclusions.
I dont want to continue cause I'm very angry and hungry!

1:08 PM

I woke up this morning not realising that it is christmas but that I was late for church.
I slept at 5am and woke up at 9am, you will never believe me if i said " I was in a bad mood "
Yes, I was in a very foul mood but church did sort of brighten things up.
After church, went home, found my sister at home.
Sitting down, eating.
Slacked around, watched a bit of television, slept for one and a half hours.
Richard came over and was very amazed by the Bravia television and what crap Nickelodeon produces.
They left at around 6pm.
My parents, brother and I went out at around 630 to Esplanade.
Pranced around, insulted different people and got annoyed by my brothers favourite new word " Chism. "
Bought Love Actually and About a Boy VCDs at Hmv.
Ate dinner at esplanade.
Met Bella and Richard at Coffee and Toast ( I think that's the name of the place, Something like AhKoon )
After coffeeing, got home.
Watched Love Actually.
Sadly, King Kong was too lazy to move her ass, SHE WAS BUSY WATCHING A BLONDE ON CHANNEL 2!
Oh my god, if I don't kiss anyone by New Year, I told Brown I'll make out with my toes.
Oh fuckkk.
Maybe I'll just cancel that dumb bimbotic promise.

New Year, fresh start?
I heard teachers read my blog, Hahahahha, if they do, which I don't really care of, I just have to say they've got nothing better to do.
Okay that was another random insulting personal opinion.

I'm not going to be home for 2 nights, I think.
I need to do something for New Year, maybe go get drunk or go for some lame countdown since T and others are going.
Renee's party.

I need inspiration, let me draw you.
My mistletoe is burnt and dead, Hahahha, fuck the fucking fat man in the red suit who burnt my mistletoe.

Here is my New Year resolution :
Excel in art.
Do well in my studies.
Give hell to xxxxxxx some people :D
Do well in OM even though I am very different from most of the team members, har.
More to comeee...
HAVE SEX, just kidding :)

1:11 AM

I lived till(:

Sunday, December 25, 2005
Oh yes, I forgot to say
Merry Christmas.
On top of that, Thanks Hannah Tan, Muriz, Hui Juan, Ann Na, Little Brown, Sijia, Shannon, Charlene, Nerizza, Lizard, Lionel and Fred for the smses.
And of course a ton of other people who wished me too.
I was too lazy to reply any of them, so yeah.
I think everyone already knows it's christmas, so I dont want to reply, especially since I've exceeded my smses.

I've only got 4 more hours to sleep lah, what the fuck.
I've to be up at 8am or something, and it's already 4.40am, and I'm probably going to take 15 minutes to get ready so I'll probably sleep near 5am.
That'll mean 3 hours of sleep!

Where's my mistletoe?
Lets go get wasted on christmas and fuck the fat man in the huge red suit.
And sadly, I cannot say " All I want for Christmas is you ", because there isn't anyone special now, pity, i know.
I used to sing that phrase with a meaning and now, it's like " Hello, I'm singing with no meaning "
I should stop talking to myself.

Vodka shots.

4:35 AM

The morning was spent in bed, day dreaming and sleeping.
I love dreaming, everything is possible as long as I really really believe in it, it feels wonderful.
But I forget dreams easily, until I lie on the bed once again on the next night.
My bed catches my dreams, it's like a dream journal.
Hurried out of the house as soon as I woke up.
T and her mother were going to Heeren, so I squeezed my ass into their cab .
Thanks for the ride! Because it was raining and I guess it would've been harder to travel, you know, in rain and all.
I couldn't travel anywhere else, since Heeren is in the middle of nowhere with no shelter to any other shopping centres.
There were only 2 smart places in heeren, HMV and the cafe.
God, I had a Helluva time!
There were BLOODDDYYY pretty pants in Levis which was having at 50% sale.
So I spent all the time in either Levis or HMV until the rain stopped.
Headed to takashimaya, went to Kino, met M there.
Art friend.
Loadsa shit happened.
Went to Borders, met N.
After getting a few gifts there we sat at the nearby Orange Julius.
Talking about Men, I think I've to try to talk more about girls.
I don't even want to think if I'm straight or not.
How singaporean men are stupid and how other races are better, frankly speaking, bottom line, men are dumb.
N came over to my place while M dealt with her Mother.
Went to Elizabeth's place at around 9pm with Zoe.
Oh my goodness, her decoration, the food, it was just who Bre ( spell? ) the one from desperate housewives, the perfectionist? Well, it was like those kind of perfect dinner parties.
Amazing food, everything was made by hand, even the pizza.
Had a Wonderful time, Rachel came too as well as some of Charissa's friends.
It was very fun, I think the food hit the right spot! That was what made me very happy and bloated.
Even the punch she made was incredibly good, with a mix of red wine.
Played Spin the bottle.
Now I know who wants to shag me ( flattering. ) and I can recgonise a stranger who gave a peck.
I left her place with M at around 1.15am, we headed back to my pool.
Bumped into T, she was in town, creating hell for the poor cleaners who're probably going to have a hard time cleaning off all the foam and cans tomorrow.
M and I went swimming then back to my place.

It has been a long time since I kissed someone. Maybe I'll kiss someone tomorrow just for the sake of christmas.

3:24 AM