I lived till(:

Saturday, January 14, 2006
Today, I met T at around 2pm.
She insisted on taking a cab, so we flagged for one for half an hour.
Finally we got into a MERZZZZZ cab, lucky us. I know.
She nagged at me in the cab, she thinks she is the Rifle, she even threatens to confiscate Her porn. HAHAHAHA.
She held her porn proudly around Far East.
Met a bunch of her friends, Priscilla T, Jeslyn, etc.
Then went to the salon to meet Lizard.
The bunch of people left.
T and I stayed, talked talked.
Emo, Jenny and Brown were outside the salon.
I was a mean girl.
T left to meet her friends, Lizard and Emo went to catch a movie.
Jenny and I went to meet Veek.
Met him, went to get Jenny's crumpler bag.
Ate at Fish and Co. After that went to Veek's old church.
Quite cool, like a movie theater.
After that, Jenny left.
And Vic and I went to coffee club.
Then left for home.
Spent 3 hours on the phone with Brown.
Now I'm here and my bill is going to be skyhighhh baby.

I saw him just now, he looks the same.

10:52 PM

Yesterday was pretty much okay, besides the fact that it was FRIDAY the 13th for good reasons.
PE was hell, first time in my life, I actually perspired.
On top of that, since last year, we've been going to OM.
Ethel, Pang and I.
And only yesterday, they've finally decided " Oh we're going to make it lower secondary "
It's quite sad dont you think? Making us slog over something which turns out to be nothing in the end.
Making us feel to hyped up about going to USA and in the end, not even able to be a part in the competition.
Pang cried, Ethel was extremely dissapointed.
How about me?
This happened to me before, no point crying.
What is said and done, so I held a front, anyway, it's not as though this is the first time I'm getting kicked out/ being robbed away from something I really love and enjoy.
Last year, due to suspension, I got robbed away from OM.
No biggie.
Well, R. Gill gave me a ride home in her mother's yellow Beetle car.
Bloody cute and her mom is Hotttt.
Got home.
Brown called and so she came over and Lizard went to Eme's place.
I robbed her from something! HAHA.
She is different really and I'm sure everyone else will say the same thing.
And I woke up and checked something.

I dont do expectations and now..

12:40 PM

I lived till(:

Thursday, January 12, 2006
Hello world!

I woke up to realise that my computer was on, on top of that, I realised that I slept from 830 onwards.
School was quite okay, I like the rainy weather, especially in the afternoon. But it pisses me off if I've to go home and I've to take a cab home.
Because the bus stop is too damn far away to walk under the rain.
I don't like to feel cold and WET.
So I cabbed it home with G and Kong.
Kong kept whining about how she wanted to sit the motorbike, but I really didn't think it was a good idea. It was not only raining but the ground is wet, so you can't ride fast.
Plus there'll be another day when the sun is shining and the roads are dry.
Anyway, got home. Ate lunch. Took a nap.
Brown wanted to come over, and I really didn't think it was quite fair to her friends. But finally, she came over in the evening.
We just sat around talking.
I'm sure she misses school, cause she keeps asking me, what is going on in school, did anything happen in school?
Oh nothing, just that I've got a control freak as my POA teacher ( Well, she is nice. But she gets into this crazy fit whereby her body will start to vibrate when she hears someone WHISPERING, not even talking. ) and M's phone got confiscated, not sure if she got it back though.
My chinese teacher confiscated it, HAHAHA.
And the school is pretty much quiet without them ( Lizard, Brown, etc etc ) around.
Quite sad really, because now there is nothing to anticipate when I go to school.
At least last time, I could anticipate for recess. Because there'll be all these older people, Jill, Alicia, Eunice, etc etc.
Now I anticipate because I'm hungry and I want to eat.
Isn't it depressing?
Anticipating because of FOOD. geez.
My form taught us to be Hawker Centre staff next time, earn alot of money you know!
She told us about some guy who sells chicken wings. He sells around 1000 chicken wings a day. Can you imagine, one chicken wing cost 1 dollar.
He earns 1000 dollars a day.
Which means 6000 dollars a week ( excluding sunday. ).
And like 24000 a month.
So, Maybe I do want to know how to cook.
I shall specialise in something and sell my product.
You'll see me set up a lemonade stand. GRANDMA BINKY'S LEMONADE.
ANYWAY, brown was late so she had to leave.
Fuck, I'm random, vulgar and tiny.
I shall stop now before I say anything embarrassing.
:D I think she is adorable.

I know lah, my engrish is belly bad and grammatical error.
Jill thinks I'm the anon who typed that.
Okay ahlian alert.
My fringe is short, very straight, and not very nice because my hair is too thick.

(:Death Cab for Cutie. Stop flattering her you fat slob/shit/vagina. :D huahuahauhuaha.

9:15 PM

Had school yesterday, my form went crazy at one point because some kid stepped on her foot.
She was quite angry.
Met Brown after school.
Went back to my place, watched dvds.
I guess it was fun, the company and all.
Had piano tuition.
T came over, she used my computer, and she wanted to eat my food.
TOO BAD NO FOOD. hahahhaa.
After she left, which is about 830pm.
I went to bed, and gave a miss to ANTM.
And so I woke up today at 6 am and went back to bed till 630.
I'm going to school now, am quite hungry. mmm.

She smells good and her smile is worth more than a million.

6:43 AM

I lived till(:

Tuesday, January 10, 2006
I want to distant myself from my family. So she won't hurt me again, I won't let that happen.
So what if she is my mom? I can try to stop talking to her and once again, my bad habit of over reacting is taking place.
I wanted to throw myself out of the window.
And now I'm going to have a 2 hour math tuition.

12:29 PM

I'm very angry right now.
The whole day was great, really. Of course school was still a bitch.
But Brown came over and it made things better.
We caught a dvd and then went to the mrt.
Had class outing.
I had loads of fun there.
Played daytona with my form teacher and friends.
And then I met Akira and Muriz.
Akira left.
I met up with Tanny and Lizard for less than 15 minutes.
So basically, I had loads of fun.
While I was on my way home today, I was thinking on what to blog.
How funny Hui was and how sadistic Clare was.
And How I really bonded with my classmates for once.
How I enjoyed the prescence of my teachers for once.
How I enjoyed myself for once.
How I had so much fun out of the house, how I had so much more fun away from her.
But then, she had to call.
And that's when she came into the picture, that is when she had to splash water over the beautiful painting and make it smudge.
That is when she came prancing into my life.
She had to nag, how I was going to go to ITE and that it is going to be the end.
What a hypocrite really, after all, she is the lady who is giving hope to the students in that school. Telling them that this is not the end, but just a longer path to getting a job.
I was too tired, too frustrated, too insulted, too offended to quarel. So I just nodded and said Okay over and over again.
She had to push my limit and it is really frustrating.
Fine, what if I go to ITE in the end, big deal. She is just going to deal with the fact that her daughter which she feared would go to ITE, finally went to ITE.
Big deal, Big Fat DEAL.
I'm a christian and my dad keeps saying, words have power and yet she keeps saying at the rate I'm going, I'm going to end up in ITE.
Fuck it. The only reason why I'm still studying is because I want a decent job. To move out of here.
To get my own place. ASAP
My own privacy.
Frankly speaking, I think I'm able to take care of myself if I had money to own an apartment.
You see, the only reason why I'm not leaving is because I've got no money.
On top of that, maybe I do love them. But not right now.

There is just a few things I really hate. One I really hate. Are people who think they're greater compared to others.
So what if you are smarter? You are able to do math but she is able to play the piano.
I'm feeling angry because my mother classifies ITE students as stupid students. As students who are hopeless. I really think it is ironic.
After all, she is over there, giving hope to these "hopeless" people. Telling them that they're not stupid. All they need is a little effort.
Yet she is over here, telling me a totally different story.
This is a very one sided story and I'm too lazy and sick and tired to consider her feelings.
Because when she gets stressed, some how she gets me very fucking stressed too.
She pisses me off.
So she doesnt consider my feelings, and I've already tried too hard to consider her feelings.
I rather she understand me than give me the television which I want.
Telling me not to compare myself with my brother.
What is ironic was that, there was a point in time I stayed at home. ( You can ask M. She'd say it is true. I was a hermit for about 2 weeks ).
And in the two weeks, my brother went out. ( Not like that is an offence, but I'm just saying )
Somehow, this mentality is already stuck in her head. She was still ablet o tell me when I finally came out of the house out of 3927039182 days. " Why you keep going. Be like your brother. Stay at home. "
Something along that line.
What the fuck.
My brother stays at home, he studies and he plays computer games.
I stay at home, sleep, read and draw.
To me drawing and doing art is much more productive compared to computer games.
But you know, I'm on the losing side.
And so I finally said " What does it matter to you? What I say doesnt matter. So I dont care what you think. Because even if I try explaining, you wont even try to understand "
Frankly speaking, I think that all quarels/ anger stored in one towards another. Is all by miscommunication or misunderstanding.
She doesn't want to hear/ believe my side.
So I finally have to say " If you don't want to give my cash ( this is one of the "arguements" we had ) then I dont want it. Because I dont care. I have money. I dont need your money. All I'm just saying is that you owe me money. But whatever, since you dont believe me. "
She is a great mother. I really have really great parents.
All the things they are able to give me, people might even say I'm spoilt.
But even though we may seem so close, as in my parents are I.
I am still able to say, they dont know much about me.
They will never understand, it is like how they'll never Ever understand my sister.
Whatever my sister had done, by the end of the day, she is still their daughter. So try to understand her at least.
They don't even try.
They've got too fixed mentalities.
And now I'm here, typing bullshit while M is sleeping.
I'm so frustrated, I want to get out of the house.
And you know what really sucks now?
I've got fucking tuition tomorrow.
My fucking cynical ( ? ) tuitor.
Fuck I can't take this crap.
I won't take this crap.
I'm going to get out of the house tomorrow.

I would really appreciate it if you not ask me " Are you okay? " Because it'll just piss me off even more.
If I want to talk about this, I'll talk to you.
I'm so angry, they're like really showing me how cruel the world is.
So they ( my parents ) are just like crazy bosses I'm going to face next time.
This is sad, so many people say " this is suppose to be the best yrs of yr life "
I really hope not, because I don't seem to be enjoying it that much.

I was so happy but she robbed it away, so now I'm going to try to be happy again. I'll hold a smile and stick my chin high in the air and say I'm fine, because really, I am fine.

12:54 AM

I lived till(:

Sunday, January 08, 2006
And so you let her fill you up
As if you are an empty cup
it overflows
and dribbles down the sides
you never knew it would stop
and you are not dry
going a little crazy
you hope you won't lose it
and jump off that bridge
the knife never looked so tempting
you are reaching for it
the blade is cold
you see blood
and now it's dark

Spent my morning on the phone, slept rather late. 2am? Woke up at 10 and then off to church.
Had lunch. Now I'm home.
Going to do all my homework.
I forgot to bring my biology book home, so I don't know what to study for quiz, if there is even a quiz.

3:30 PM

A few people came over last night. Akira and Muriz act like kids. Watching PowerPuff Girls. Bloody funny, plus the musical.
M stayed over last night and we slept at 430 in the morn and woke up at 730 in the morning.
Went to school in E's suspenders and white tanktop, thanks for the clothes babe. :D
Met Brown and Muriz. Most of my time was spent with both of them.
Met Lizard.
They came over to my place.
We watched television rom about 230-4 plus? Lizard and Brown were sleeping in the living room and M and I were sleeping in my bedroom.
It was a warm afternoon, television was good. Unfabulous, Ned's guide book to school (?), Zoey 101, all the bloody kiddie shows, plus aircon was lovely.
Brown left soon. Lizard and M stayed till about 730.
We cabbed it down.
Met Kim and her bunch of friends. Mr. T was there.
We all left because we felt awkward, plus the food was expansive. Headed to subway to eat.
We people watched.
Then went to the 6th floor to sit down. Bitched alot. Emeline and R came.
Talked alot.
Hahahhaa, You should've seen R's reaction when I said Kong called our group of friends "clique".
Went home with M.
M left and took a cab home.

Emotionaless, I ask myself why am I doing this.
It should stop, but when?
You're making yourself vulnerable all over again.

12:24 AM